When I started Radiant Living School, I was super anxious, about to head into a psychiatric hospital for an admission for chronic depression and not exercising at all. I was feeling like giving up. I was eating everything in sight. And I was back smoking a packet of cigarettes per day in a thwarted attempt to calm my nerves. It was a $25 per day habit. Actually it was $35 by the time I purchased my four pack of redbulls that I needed to take as an antidote to the toxin induced lethargy. Smoking alone was costing me over $700 a month. I knew something had to change. I was desperate for clarity and answers. Cait Scudder gave me scope and room to dream and believe that I could achieve the seemingly impossible.
She gave me courage to throw caution to the wind and get clear on my wildest dreams. She nurtured me through the last *almost* two months and gave me scope to make tangible changes. Cait encouraged me to trust that the universe wants my dreams for me AND has my back.
The first day I put pen to paper I felt like a complete fool. How could the overweight, non exercising, depressed, chain smoker have ultramarathon dreams? To begin with I was skeptical and those voices of self doubt were loud. I'm glad I stuck with it. Today I'm writing my final notes on Week 5's work; the bonus "manifestation" module.
I'm out of hospital. I am over a week smokefree and I know I have broken the back of my cigarette addiction. I knew it when on day 5 of being smokefree I saw a double amputee in a gown sucking down a smoke outside the hospital gasping it in like they were his last breaths. I felt guilty but breathed a sigh of relief my own addiction hadn't come to that.
I stopped drinking red bulls. I'm eating sensibly and back running. I have clocked up almost 20kms since new year. My times aren't great but I've started and sometimes giving yourself permission to have room to start a transition is the hardest part. I'm planning working up to a half marathon in late July 2019.
I now believe in myself again. I can do this. My mental health has improved and so have my relationships with others. I'm learning to set self care boundaries and accept help. The change in me is amazing but so too is the change in my young son. His confidence has grown. He's less anxious and much more willing to try new things. But he's also proud of me giving things a go.
My husband (who lost his Mum young to lung cancer) no longer gives me a haunted look or has to plead with me to "come inside" and not "light up". I believe Radiant Living School has been my catalyst for much of my change. I am confident this will take me all the way from negative zero to marathon hero.
I am acutely aware that the longest of marathons starts with just a few small steps. I'm proud Radiant Living School has jolted me out of the blocks and onto my path of alignment. I can't wait for the magic to continue. Thanks Cait for setting my soul free and breathing oxygen into my dreams.
Sometimes all we need is for some beautiful soul to come along and believe in us. Cait has been that person and I am so grateful for that. Looking forward to sharing more into the future. Let's rise together! Onwards and upwards.